Letters never sent

There were so many letters I wrote but never sent. These are a few.

I am seeking a divorce as I no longer want to rely on any of your generosity. Although all your gifts have be greatly appreciated in my own way, I have simply come to my senses to realize the things you offer end up being far more expensive than what I could ever afford. I am doing what I think I must to protect myself and will try to continue doing so as ethically and peacefully as I can.

You are probably not aware but our telephone conversation this last weekend greatly upset me. I'm starting to feel like you think you own me because of the things you bought me. You have said this yourself, one would hope jokingly, that you own me. As well, you made the comment that I need to get paid more in order to pay you off. I'm no longer assuming these are light hearted jokes.

Given how you have several times over the past few months used this money issue to hurt me, I don’t think I can trust that your mood on the matter will remain generous, as you seem to demand first and understand circumstances later if it is convenient. And given that you don’t seem to appreciate the value in handling your rent, water bill, gas bill, electric bill, phone bill, mobile phone bill, and council tax bills I am writing to let you know that I will do so no longer.

I feel that you have taken me for granted and have grown to expect these administration services from me as interest payment for a 'favor' that cost little of you comparatively. You have suffered no inconvenience in your gifts where as I have always borne the inconvenience as expected by you. You should know that as far as I am concerned your gifts have been cruel. You never stopped to think if I could afford the things that you so keenly bought. You also never stopped to discuss any financial arrangements. You demanded that I figure these things out for myself. You accepted this poor management of your financial generosity as noble because it did not stifle the way in which I could repay you. To be honest, you were just lazy. The terms were never stated and any implied terms were always changing depending on how you felt. It was all a very convenient set up for you. You stated several times that you would 'forgive' my debts, but then ended up saying that such forgiveness would only be relevant if I were your partner as we know I am no longer.

The kindness of your loans seem to depend greatly on how well I behave and play to what you want and need. I don’t need this generosity as it is costing me tenfold in stress and headache of what it is worth and you seem to think you can use it in any way you see fit. You don’t own me and I wont tolerate such a notion again.

I have spoken to Carolyn in regards to these things. Perhaps you should speak to her as my thoughts and feelings don’t command as much notice and respect as hers. You always have ignored what I said, but listened faithfully to her. I have transferred all the bills into your name as should have been done ages ago, and I have sent my notice to the estate agent letting them know that you may want to take the tenancy over. This time you will have to deal with your housing yourself rather than move in with me for lack of prior arrangements.