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x x Simply me. I suspect writing more about me here would be ridiculous. But here go the basics. I'm 30.5 right now, female, attractive, 5' 10", thin, brown eyed, brown hair to my waist (people think its black usually), unconventional, open and honest to the point of ridiculousness, internally shizophrenic, anarchistic, arrogant, brilliant, bored. Read my diary for more than this.

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x x Rita is brilliant, pretty, attractive to those she hunts down (and to others more often then she knows), a wanderer, female, black hair and brown eyed, of upper class Indian descent, work ethiced, well educated, hung up on Peter Muir, easy to get along with, gentle and concered for all mankind.

I met her back in university. Like myself, and like Monika, she studied Systems Design engineering at Waterloo. Like me, she didn't complete that program and wandered off to something else much more successfully. Because of her strong will and her comittment to ethics, she bore a baby girl a few years ago rather than have an abortion. After giving it up for adoption, she had an abortion the next year. I am proud to know her.

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x x Peter is the man I love. I met him in Waterloo while dating Craig, his roommmate at the time. The energy generated by these two guys, Mike Wevrick, and Graham Wilson, impressed me incredibly. At the time, I thought that Craig was responsible for the incredibleness of the times, and slowly learned that each of these people had contributed something special, but that it was Peter with whom I had a hope of really finding out who I was. After two years, I decided to love him.

Peter is 5' 10", brown haired, hazel eyed, a complete slob, handsome behind his disguise of uncivilized lack of grooming, a context breaker (and as a consequence often a heart breaker), a lawyer, a philospher (working towards a Ph.D.), a psychology major as an undergrad, interested in the brain, ethics, making the world a better place. He is a dreamer, a thinker of abstract thoughts, absent minded about day to day things, a slob.

He lives with my 5 cats in our home with Athena and Aaron as roommates. I think he wants to be famous, and I know he is jealous of my success currently. He whips himslef for not having succeeded inhis own eyes.

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x x Richard is 5' 10", brown hair and brown eyed, weight-lifting muscular, very brilliant in that totally perfect way, an overachiever, a charmer when he wants to be as well as good looking when he chooses to be. He has a nasty but stupid temper, and lives in his lizard brain somewhat often. He left his spouse of 8 years a year after meeting me. He was an actor as an undergrad, and holds a Ph.D. in philosophy. He has the sharpest mind I know of, except for Agassi's. He and Tracey are my closest friends, and I rely on them both a lot for comfort and guidance. Richard considers himself to be creative and warm and gentle, and although he is capableof achieving each of these, he isn't any of them by default. He is easily hurt by me as I am the only person in the world he trusts at all. I think he is overly scientistic. He is the most truth-functional person I know, and yet he is also self-aware, which surprises me no end.

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x x Carey is a young woman if Malaysian heritage and chinese descent. She cannot be noticed in a crowd at all as she wills herself into chameleonlike unnotability. She is bright and energetic, wanting the wolrd to be exactly what she expects. She seems to end up getting her way surprisingly often, and yet agonizes before hand a lot. Her hobby of standing on bridge railings has kept her warm and housed many a weekend in various local intitutions, as has her desire to swallow more pills than one might think necessary to kill oneself.

She has the most striking natural creative talents in both writing an ddrawing, and I suspect other areas too. Her work in university centered on her intrigue with suicide, a subject on which she wrote her honours thesis. She hopes to reamin in Canada after she finishes her education here, and so I suspect she will.

Sometime if I can find them, I will publish the letters she wrote to me in honour of our meeting. She is quite expert in making people feel nervous. She's 22 currently, about 5' 3", very athletic, a Jehovah's Witness who is currently examining and understanding her previously unquestioned faith, and good at teasing cops and social workers.

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x A fan, an artist, a woman looking into her future throughher past, Kimberley is a beautiful red-headed, green eyed professional artist and wardrobe woman, who recently left her long time love to be on her own.

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x x Sabina is from Sweden. She is 5' 11", in love with Steve very much, and looking forward to her big wedding in the Spring. On her marriage plans, I will not say more for now. She is blonde witha fantastic smile, a quiet demeanor, and very lovely. I am surprised people haven't successfully pressured her into becoming a model. She is new to North America. Her beau thought that she and I would make good friends over time, and I suspect he is right.

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x x Steve is a tall fellow at 6' 2" or so. He goes back a long way with Craig but not me. He loves to have fun and make jokes, and I suspect often becomes the life of the party. He is fascinated with Kitch and with Sabina. The two of them share a small apartment at a great location, and recently created a homepage on the web. Steve is definitely a breeder type, and I suspect many of his friends are the get married and breed kind. He is around 30.

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x Niels has been writing to me from Denmark, and then London for a year now. Initially we talked politics, and I decided he was possibly narrow minded. I decided then to confront him with his right leanings. We didn't talk for quite a while.

At some point, he wrote again. We talked more personally, and at first I don't think I realized that he was the same fellow I'd found intriguing previously. But I clued in, and when he suggested we try more seriously to become frineds, I agreed to gamble.

He is around 6' 2", blond, very Danish looking (I've never met anyone else from there, so I really don't know if this is true), briliant, and perenially happy. He is working on a Ph.D. currently at the London Business School.

I spent my Christmas holidays with him in London, staying Chelsea. We toured London, and then the East and North coasts of England, talking and fighting and thinking, and becoming incredibly good friends. I think we'll know each other forever.

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x x Hella is a warm and caring, shy Rumanian engineer, Peter's mom, and my friend. She and I have known each other for years, and gradually, as our mutual shyness wore off, and as we both learned that Peter was well treated by the other, became respecting and loving towards each other.

A couple of years ago Hella transferred to Saskatechwan (which is as hard to spell as her last name) for her job with Atomic Energy of Canada Limited (AECL). She is still there, in the -60 C weather, with Sable's kitten Muky, the most beautiful cat I've ever met. I hope she transfers back to TO soon. She and I are purchasing an office building currently, both for my business to reside in,and for her future as a retired consultant - doing one of the 10,000 things she's thought of doing so far! I think she'd enjoy writing most though.

Hella is around 5'3", brown haired, very athletic, and self-confident. She's a loner, and she cares most about her son and her father. (Of course, she always tells me I got it wrong when I write about her! So who knows.)

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x x Ah, Tracey. Tracey and I have been close buddies for quite a few years now. We met in How to do philosophy with a computer class in my undergrad days. She was socially charming, and so outgoing that she had geeky shy little me eating out of her palms. I felt back then that I needed real friends other than Peter, and really took to her. It took a couple of years for the two of us to really gel, butnow we have.

She and I vacation together every few days. A movie, dinner, coffee, lunch, sitting and talking about what's going on inour lives. Griping about the other people we know in the cattiest manner we can both muster. Shopping. Tracey thinks of me as her barbie doll to shop for sometimes which is awfully fun. In some sense, we need each other for sanity and warmth. And I'm glad we have each other. I hope she'll move in with me sometime. Tracey is 5'2" or so. Dirty blonde. Very friendly. A tad pushy -- as am I! Socially welcoming and smooth as silk. She likes to seduce men over the phone, and I suspect email too. As she has lived in Toronto all her life, I hope to travel with her as soon as she finishes up her Audio Visual Techy training this year - and not to Florida.

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x x Aaron is this guy who I met on the Internet after advertising my room at 209 Gilmour for rent. He took the room, and then mentioned that he already knew me -- from the diary! Coincidence. He writes Idiot's Guides books, and is currently writing his third. I have a very nice collection of bright orange help me books in my living room courtesy Aaron and his publisher.

We hit it off when he moved here, and then I backed off a lot as he became too close - as far as I could tell, for know reason. I begin to think that although he does tend to sequester himself with those he is close to, that in large part it was both the diary's exposure of my life, and his being new in Canada that made me feel closterphobic around him.

Aaron is 6', brown haired, and very funny. Ask him to send you some email... you will laugh forever! He also writes for Internet World.

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x Tall black guy from Buffalo. Loves Athena. Financeed together. I know no more than this.

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x In like a summer breeze, out like a hurricane. Richard's roommate up until two weeks ago. She moved out taking only 1 of her four cats. Fleiss will be moving in with me when Richard moves, and Sigmund will stay with him. I don't know about the other two. Working on a Ph.D. in sociology wasn't enough for this woman. Perhaps its because she's from Holland. Perhaps its because she gained 100 lbs in the last few years. Perhaps its because she felt threatened by the school work. But upon moving in with Richard, she bacame an Internet consultant too. At least she bought enough office equipment to try it out.

Olga lives in a loop with her psyco therapist, a Freudian gordian knot of repression and bold self-expression. She decided to hate me for real after meeting Rita. Olga is 5'10", blonde, Dutch, and very social worker. I wish she didn't hate me. I can only wish, I'm afraid.

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x x Yeah. Well, I'm not supposed to write about this one. Athena here is from Sri Lanka, and since her paperwork finally came in, she is talkable about. She claims to be a refugee of some sort for some reason. I heard her perform with Peter the other day, and decided she really is quite good. As a person though, I find her to be invasive, silly, and pretentious.

She and Peter are partners in performance art or whatever they call it - poetry and music - Broken Spectacles. She and Heron are an item. More than that, I'm not interested in. 5'5", black hair.

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x Richard's ex-girlfriend. I thought she was more interesting than she turned out to be. Pretty, and although intelligent, not really with it. She was rather jealous of me while she dated Richard. At a party last year, I kissed her. This seemed to have quieted her down a lot. But they broke up anyway. Long red hair, a flirty attitude, 5'8", and a master's in philosophy like me.

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x Cute, sex oriented. Craig's buddy. A pair of jokesters.

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x x My company: FSC. We're internet consultants. We do a lot of very cool sites in Toronto and on the International scene.

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x Old and dear friend Joe. Joe and Peter grew up together, along with Norbert, and the gang. Joe is now a corporate lawyer in Toronto, married to another successful person, Sandra. I wish them both all the best and happiness coming out their ultra-conservative ears. And I wish he had more time to sit and talk with me. I simply respect Joe.

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x I met Graham onthe first day of Frosh week at the University of Waterloo. We had a short lived romance. It lasted until I told him to go kill himself. I was 16 at the time, and perhaps not quite suited to romance. :) Graham is now a happily married, computer programming type here in Toronto. I guess he wasn't the anti-christ after all. I found this out only because he ended up coincidently rooming beside Craig the next year, the same Craig who was Peter's roommate. Tight circle of coincidence, me thinks.

Graham writes me once or twice a year ( including Christmas cards) and suggests every time we play Risk. I wish I had the time! He is about 6', brown hair. Almost british accent.

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x My sweetheart in Pittsburgh. He moved to Paris around the time I left CMU. We haven't spoken since. I miss him. 6'2", Serbian, black hair, set theorist with full professorship in Paris X last I heard.

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x Craig was my first real romantic passionate boyfriend. We went out for the first couple of years at Waterloo. We were both incredibly out of control, almost insane. We were both young. We stopped talking in order to break up -- the circumstances were a little more complicated than that - cops showed up, our circle of friends clove in two, we hurt a lot. We didn't talk for 10 years.

He's in Toronto now. Last yer, I wrote to him - in email. We talked through the past problems *very* quickly. Now we know each other peripherally, and we'll always care about each other. Both of us are too busy to really sit down and talk though. Craig's 6'2", dark brown hair. He resembles that actor from Twin Peaks, alhtough the thinks he resembles Antonio Banderas. :)

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x Monica is a n old frined from Waterloo too. We roomed beside each other, and shared engineering fables with each other. She dated a guy I thought very cute, while thinking Craig was ok herself. She's someone I lost touch with until I started back up with Craig. Now she's a multimedia consultant out in Vancouver.

Back in Waterloo days, Monica was the most cool and ept person I'd ever met. She was smooth, a jet setter. Much of who I am now was modelled on how I perceived her. She seems tamer now. :) She's 5'4", brown haired, and sexy.

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x x International Philosophical Preprint Exchange ... an organisation that Richard and then me and Peter and some other philosophers started back in grad school days. I guess we were bored. Anyway, it was quite a great experiemnt in online communication - an exchange for philosophical preprints.

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x x Defunct... but a good idea... just as the Web is!

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x Norb is only history in my life.

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x x


Carolyn's Diary
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