Aaron Weiss

C,

Well it's all in the hands of the good postal people now. I'm not sure 
how long it takes for a regular envelope to get from here to there. 
Having lived in Pittsburgh, you probably have a better idea than I.

I've got two telecom questions for you:

1) In what year did -- oops, I meant, you said something briefly about my 
being able to arrange for a working phone line in advance. Could you tell 
me anything more on what needs to be done? Like you said, I want to avoid 
as much of a lag as is possible. I won't go off the walls killing people 
if it's not ready the second I get there, but I want to do what I can. 
(Now, 2 seconds lag and you're talking a whole other ball game. You know 
we all have guns down here. Big ones.)

2) I saw your rundown of service providers in Toronto on your consulting 
page. So I figure I'll come right to the source. Not to step all over 
your professional bounds, but do you have any off-the-record, friendly 
advice on where to get an account? I can read their links for specific 
services and costs myself, but I'm just wondering if you have any "Never 
use them" or "They're grrrrrreat!" comments. I'm basically looking for a 
28.8 SLIP/PPP with as much time as humanly possibvle for as little $$ as 
possible. A unique desire, I'm sure. I'm also interested in the UNIX 
shell situation (although once I get my Linux installed and running that 
may not be so necessary. Man, I'm geeky. I hope this house can take the 
vibes.) Anyway, I'm going to browse your page and check out their rates 
and stuff, but any specific comments you have from experience are 
welcome. Gracias, as they say in some other country than this one.

Mucho tortillo castillo habaneros,
Aaron


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Hey Carolyn,

Since I have some time, I thought I'd write a bit about my thoughts about
your whole Web endeavor. If I ramble on too long feel free to read every
third word, those are the only important ones anyway.

Although I'm a computer geek "by day" (well, often by night, too), nothing
is more interesting to me than what you refer to as the "cognitive
landscape." A lot of people assume I studied computer science in school - I
don't know if you get that, too - but I got my degree (BA) in Psychology. In
fact, I would even go so far as to say that my real interests in computing,
networked computing, and the Internet involve the sociology and psychology
of the humans involved. If I ever decide to go to grad school, that would
probably be the area I studied, but that's another ball of melted wax
entirely. My only real interest in computing is as far as it helps us humans
and our cognitive landscapes. The two biggest challenges facing people, it
seems, is the cartography of their own cognitive landscape, and effectively
sharing/illuminating that landscape with others. I believe that this whole
net thing can help, if we use it to (herein other cynical precipitates fall
out, which I'll leave aside for now).

I thought your "diary" (it strikes me as such a juvenile word, though, I
need to think of a better term) really hit the solar plexus of this whole
domain. Obviously, someone could read what you wrote and come away with the
feeling, "Wow that Carolyn Burke is a complete case," but doing so is to
fall prey to a biased sample. Of course, we'd all appear that way if someone
only read our internal struggles and knew nothing else about us, so that is
not the correct way to read your pages. Rather, I saw them, from the
positive perspective, as a great meal. There's so much to feed on in there,
although I fear that phrase is too anatomical for what I mean. Substance,
there's a lot of substance, and it's the stuff the is the essence of us
being humans, I think. (it's possible that Riesling and Merlot - my two
ferrety roomates - have similar internal struggles, I suppose, but they're
poor conversationalists).  Okay, before I get too cosmic, I'll reign it in
and say that there is a downside to my reaction to your writings. That is,
it's like reading half of a conversation that I want to participate in, but
cannot because it's all on a pre-existing page. So there was a certain
element of frustration in that I could only share my thoughts, on a
conversational basis, with my monitor, which also happens to be a poor
conversationalist (but a good monitor).

Beyond all that, there was a certain aspect of "great art" to what you did.
I don't know enough about art to explain what I mean, but I can give an
example. In a class I once took we were shown a videotape of an art exhibit.
This artist guy had a very simple exhibit: there was an American flag laid
out in full on the floor, and a shelf on the wall above the flag with a
comment book for patrons to fill in. The thing was, you had to step on the
flag to write your comments in the book. It's such a simple idea, that
resulted in an amazing parsimony: people got angry, upset, and sometimes
violent, in wanting to express their feelings about what he did with the
flag, what he made them do to express their feelings, and the real paradox
they faced in resolving either. It was beautiful, I thought, and brilliant.
Perhaps that would only work in a country as blindly nationalist as the
U.S., or back in the days of the USSR, but the essence of the art's
achievement remains. Anyway, that's my "great art" example, in the way it's
a very simple implementation but affects the "patron" in so many ways.
Parsimonious art. Your online diary struck me similarly. I began to read
some of it (the newest entries, because computing has jaded me in such a way
that I only like to see the most up to date information possible), but then
stopped. I couldn't figure out if I should read more or not. Why should I?
Did I want to know all this about you, a total stranger at the time? What
were the implications of "meeting" someone beginning with their deepest
internal issues and never seeing any of the layers before that? It's at that
point where I didn't read any more, because I needed to sort out those
issues. I never have, and so I only know what portions I read before I
stopped, which was some in the middle and some of the more recent stuff. 

I suspect that making the online diary may have had an entirely different
set of implications for you, the "artist." In trying to put myself in your
position, I thought that making my journal public record would at first be
scary, but would eventually lead to a sort of isometry between my inner self
and outer self. I imagine the image of a cell from biology class, and the
way fluids can flow in and out depending at rates dependent upon various
regulatory mechanisms. In everday life, we're all sort of like that cell,
and we strictly regulate how much remains inside our cell wall, how much
remains outside, and what flows between. But some cells are in a stasis
point, where pressure is equalized within and without the cell wall such
that fluids are in equal balance throughout. At that point, anything can
pass into or out of the cell passively. I feel that the online journal may
contribute to such a state, between you the individual and the outside
world. Whether that state is good or not, I am honestly not sure. THere's a
big part of me that believes it is good, and healthy. On the other hand,
it's wise to always keep in mind that I may be wrong, and so, I may be wrong. 

Ah well, there you have it. Some of the generalized comments I wanted to
make. I don't feel it's appropriate for me to discuss any of the specific
details of content your wrote about in your diary, because while in many
ways you express issues that we all mudwrestle with, specifics of your life
are best dealt with by others who know you personally. 

Long serious mindspew over. Now it's time to hit this box of munchkins that
I so guiltlessly bought from Dunkin Donuts, for the sole reason that I
hadn't had a doughnut for years. One couldn't help but feel like everyone
was watching as I went in, thinking, "Oh look at him going to get
doughtnuts, shame shame!" Just like going into an adult bookstore -- err, I
mean, whoops did I say that? More interestingly, though, I wonder how
exactly a store that sells doughtnuts 24 hours a day pulls a profit. Is
there that much of a demand for fried dough in this world? If so, what does
that mean? And should I eat a jelly doughnut now or a chocolate creme? Well,
off to struggle with that decision...

-Aaron
p.s. Don't feel compelled to respond to any of this, since it's quite long
and you have like a business to run and HTML to write. (Nice Netscape
tables, btw, on your ISP overview page! ;-)


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I think we're going to get along just great.  Life can be like that.  As
you may have noted, I have quite a computer type mind and education,
and at the same time, am more interested intrinsically in the doings of
organics.  The non-rule governed systems, limited only by empircal
happenstance and empirical law, such as a person or a society,  always
manage to surprise me - to make me smile.  I know that the game involved
is not simply to determine the rules as one can in any video game and
thereby effectively create an algorithm of play.  The game of life, as
it were, cannot be algorithmically described in its interesting bits -
in the strategy and feedback loops, even where primitive recursive
functions tread, I believe.  I've argued with those that think
otherwise, and who have the same sense ofthe infinite at the same time.
SOmewhere I'd like to be able to point to their notion of the infinite
as inear...  how arrogant probably.

"diary" is like "american flag":  exactly.  Its a childish word,
bringing up thoughts of little girls and special key and lock hiding
places.  This is the hook I've used to catch peoples attention.  It
seems to work.  :)  

What are your friendships like?  Your most significant other history?
And, of course your choice of question I should have asked instead!?

May I have your permission to place some of what you've written to me
online?  As a dialogue between us?  I haven't asked the other persons
I've involved..  they got involved with me long before the diary and
could see such things coming.  You do too I think, but I would ahte to
alienate before even meeting.

Sushi?  

C

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>SOmewhere I'd like to be able to point to their notion of the infinite
>as inear...  how arrogant probably.

I've never been accused of lacking arrogance, go for it. You tell 'em.
Seriously, though, I'm going to hold off on springboarding too deep from
what you wrote simply because I don't want this email to get too huge.
Furthermore, I'm not in enough of an altered state of consciousness to be
fully lucid. Not to sound overly chemically dependant, but I do find my
capacity to play with the notion of linearity and/or the lack thereof
lubricated with external help from time to time. No matter though, I will
have more to say on those topics in any state in the future.

>What are your friendships like?  Your most significant other history?
>And, of course your choice of question I should have asked instead!?

I'm not entirely sure how I come across in email, but if I'm going to
discuss my relationships I should say outright that I'm not an extremely
social person. On the surface, that may seem contradictory with what I wrote
about my interest in human emotions/reactions/involvements/etc, but it's
not. I'll prove it. For one thing, I don't like very superficial
relationships, which is what I find many people to be used to, and to seek.
Just knowing people for the sake of adding another social notch doesn't turn
my mood ring. So I tend to have a small social circle, and I like it that
way. A few good relationships are all I really am interested in, and
anything extraneous I can take or leave. Having said that, I'm also rather
shy and introverted, so I don't really "meet people" very well. I can come
across more lively in email because I'm more comfortable here, at first. I
realize that many stereotype computer geeks that way, and I suppose for me
it is true, to a degree. However, I would emphasize that I said "at first"
in the previous sentence. When I grow comfortable with someone, I am just as
expressive and comfortable in real life as I am in email, but many people
misinterpret my initial adjustment period as a form of coldness or lack of
enthusiasm. Like a soldering iron, I just take a little while to heat up.
For a combination of the above reasons, I have just a small few friends to
mention.

Most notably is my current roomate Steve, who I've been living with since
sophomore year of college, so that is about 4 years now. If it wasn't also
such a childish word I'd say he's my "best friend," but I basically see him
as an extension of my family (which is a good thing, something you can't
necessarily assume when someone refers to their family). Then there are a
couple other friends who live in D.C., mutual friends of Steve and mine.
That's basically it, really. Now, as to your question about significant
others, that's an interesting issue. It obviously raises the question of
sexuality, which I figured was going to come up sooner or later, and I put
my chips on sooner. I don't see sexuality among people as a very bipolar
thing, as most of society does. So I have a hard time answering people's
question as to whether I am "straight" or "gay," because I feel both words
are problematic. By society's standards, though, I would be considered
"straight," and so that's what I tell people who are just speaking as the
mouths of society (and whom I don't care to lecture to about how I view
sexuality). One of the reasons that I'm uncomfortable with the term
"straight" is because the way it was used when I grew up connotated that you
were both attracted to females and repulsed by males. And I can't say that's
all true. It's true that I'm attracted to women, just as strongly as any
"typical straight," so I figure the straight label suffices for me. It's
just that I'm not repulsed by men, because I find all sexuality of a certain
degree of interest and eroticism. I'm just not all that attracted to men,
but I'm not unattracted to them. 

I'm not incredibly, or even barely, sexually experienced, mostly due to the
social relationships stuff I outlined earlier. Ironically, though, I have
had some male experience because those situations have arisen, largely when
I was in an exploratory phase. I haven't had any other experience than that,
which doesn't bother me terribly, because I am more interested in quality
relationships than just jettisoning some label measuring experience.
Although I think sex and sexuality is a great and healthy thing, I'm not one
who would just seek it for itself, per se. Part ideology, part insecurity.
No part religion or morality or any of that.
Steve has been my most significant relationship, and in fact several years
ago I did "experiment" with a more significant relationship with him. It
didn't work, but I don't regret it. I learned a lot about myself, one of
those being that I can't have such a relationship with another man, they
just don't "do it" for me. I find exploring the reasons why that is, and why
I am so much more attracted to women, a fascinating thing, but I'll spare
you my in-progress liner notes on that for now.

Oh, I should mention that Steve is gay, true blue. In fact, so are all my
other friends. It just sort of turned out that way. I knew the friends I
have now early in college, and over the years they all managed to come out.
The domino effect reprised, given that Communism didn't go over so well.
It's been a sore point between my mother and I, my friends all being gay, as
she thinks that I must be, too, to have any way to relate to them. Sorry,
mom. I'm not friends with them all because they're gay, although there may
be other correlates that affect their personality that were functional
variables. I basically know what that variable is -- it's sex typed-ness.
That is, I'm not comfortable around/with people who are strongly sex-typed,
masculine or feminine. I find those roles to be rather artificial, and
people that play them up turn me off. That's not to say I like indiscernable
sexuality, rather I like it natural. People who are just themselves, which
for men and women overlaps far more than many realize, is what I am
comfortable with. I have just as much of a problem with gays who act
extremely sex-typed as straights who do (I don't mean they're bad people, I
just don't gel with them very well). So my friends, gay or straight, are
just themselves, and their sexuality is not the foremost issue on their
agenda of life, although important.

I've abandoned the "goal" of meeting people for certain types of
relationships. That is, some guys say "I have to find a girlfriend," or
worse, "I need a wife." I used to think that way (the former, not the
latter) years ago, but I find it pointless now. I'm just interested in
people, and in forming healthy relationships with them. Whatever those may
turn into is defined by the "happenstance" of the dynamics that develop, to
refer back to your non-deterministic view of human relationships. Such are
not things to be plotted or planned, and they are not games with rules. I
had a friend in college who was very into the rulebook of life, so much so
that he would get ulcers over whether his particular manipulation of a salt
shaker at the dining hall table gave the proper sign to an intended woman.
I'm not friends with him anymore ;-)

I think I answered your above questions plus a little more. As I alluded to
when talking about sex and morals, I'm not religious, which probably doesn't
shock you incredibly. I am Jewish by birth, an ethnicity and culture which,
like a tattoo, is difficult to get out of your skin completely without laser
surgery.  But since we have no universal health coverage here, I've had to
forego the operation. On the other hand, I don't promote abject atheism.
With my methodological training, I feel that would be an inappropriate
conclusion based on the empirical evidence. I'm not all that interested in
the concept of "God" as promoted by major Western religions, because it's
too concrete and too political a concept. I actually believe that a certain
amount of what I will call "spirituality" can be a healthy thing for
someone, but that is not something our civilization has cultivated, and not
something I've achieved in my own life yet. The complex, non-parsimonious
rule-based political system that contemporary religions rely upon have
little or nothing to do with spirituality and everything to do with power
and control. Neither of which interest me.

There's a bonus answer for you. 

>
>May I have your permission to place some of what you've written to me
>online?  As a dialogue between us?  I haven't asked the other persons
>I've involved..  they got involved with me long before the diary and
>could see such things coming.  You do too I think, but I would ahte to
>alienate before even meeting.
>

It did occur to me, yes, and in fact it makes for a very interesting,
strange, and probably twisted story. There's a Through The Looking Glass
remake for the 90's in there somewhere: someone reads your Web page, is
drawn in, strikes up a conversation with you, and in turn becomes a part of
your Web page. And so on, ad totem, until you've sucked the entire
population in from out the outside. Oh well, now it took a science fiction-y
turn, and I'm not a big sci fi fan. I'll stop the brainstorm there. Sure,
you can include anything you want from our conversations on the page! I
don't mind at all, for many of the same reasons you created the page in the
first place. It's sorta fun in a strange way. A mix of exhibitionism and
freefalling -- like pulling down your underwear while bunjee jumping. Not
that I've ever done either of those. 

>Sushi?  

No thanks I like my seafood cooked :) As a young child, though, I have fond
memories of sucking down raw clams on the half shell by the half-dozen at
the shore. That was shortly before the kindly government agencies warned us
that continuing to do so may result in appendages growing from unusual
places. I do find the third arm rather useful, though.

must sleep,
Aaron


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I ran across this just before, and seeing as how you keep
that nifty ISP table/overview on your FCS page I thought I'd run
it by you. Sounds interesting if they manage to pull it off:

-----------------------------

[deleted]

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Howdy there, email backlog person. Two forms of ID? I think I can swing 
that, I guess I'll give them a call and see what they have to tell me per 
setting things up in advance. Any chance you can give me Bell Canada's
phone number? I imagine I can find it somewhere in this big, 
diminishingly green world, but I figured I'd ask. If I have to wait a few 
days for the line after arriving that won't be a major problem, but more 
than that might be (it looks like I'll have another book to start on right 
away).

FUrnishings -- yeah, I wasn't exactly sure what that situation was, 
because in your original post you wrote "nicely finished" and I wasn't 
sure what that meant. But I didn't bring it up initially because I 
thought about it and realized it didn't matter a whole lot (as opposed to 
an unfurnished entire apartment, which would matter more). The only major
things I need are a bed and a computer desk, both of which I could probably
just buy myself. For the bed, I mean, if threre's isn't a frame or 
anything already there I could just get a mattress on the floor for all I 
care -- I did that in my sophomore year in college and learned that the 
purpose of a frame and boxspring seemed questionable. Felt exactly the 
same. And you can roll over to get things easier.

As for the computer desk, that's something I can shop for if a suitable 
isn't there, which is no big deal, I pretty much expected that. Other 
than those two things, I suppose the only other stuff I can think of are 
what you might call "other stuff." If you want to leave behind anything 
else, like stands or pieces of wood that hold stuff, etc. that's fine. 
I'll make do with whatever is around. It's all just a matter of where the 
books and CD's and whatnot go, which can be accomplished in a variety of 
flexible ways. You said there was a closet of some sort, so that takes 
care of the clothing thing. 

That's all I'll say for now, so I don't waterlog your incoming folder any 
further. I'll see what Bell Canada has to tell me. I wonder if they have 
to pay a monthly fee to have their own phones in their offices? Would 
they send "final disconnection" notices to themselves if they don't pay?

(yes)

-Aaron


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> I'll leave lots of little pieces of wood, and you can play mechano with
> them?  I used the useless wooden bed fram as my computer desk - I sit
> cross legged in front of the screen which is then at eye level, and type
> away.  

Ouch! Ouch! Ouch! You must be made of rubber, or some close synthetic
approximation thereof. If I did that I'd be paralyzed within minutes.
Have it your way, as they claim to say at Burger King, not that I would know.
I've never played mechano, but I know what wood is when I see it. Sounds 
good.

I had been under the assumption/impression that the US postal service 
wouldn't forward my mail to Canada, but I asked today and they said that
they did, with no postage due. Label me impressed. We know our socialism!
 
meow

-Aaron


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I'd like to invite you to a house-warming party this Saturday evening
around 8pm.  The address is 
    

    	    959 A 2 Bloor Street West, Toronto

    	    between: Dovercourt and Ossington on the South side
    	    above:   Dovercourt / Bloor Appliances


This is a bring everyone you know party as I won't have the painting or
carpet cleaning done until next week!  This includes loved ones,
roommates, best buddies, and your cats.  And I'm inviting the neighbours
too!

Hope to see you there.  I'm off to Vermont for a few days and will not
be back in town until Saturday afternoon.  So call and leave me a
message at my new number 416 588 0517 or RSVP through email (which is
still the same of course).


miau,

Carolyn

ps  There is a subway stop just opposite me here.  Its the Ossington stop
at the Deleware exit on the Bloor West line.  miau again



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How-dee,

Just a coupla things--

I called Bell Canada, they told me basically what I needed to know.
I've got to pay them a deposit before I can arrange for installation,
and I'm not sure if/how I can pay them before I get there. I'll think
about that more soon, it's not the biggest emergency in the world.

Second, the plan of operation is that I'm going to be arriving
there (there=Toronto) sometimes in the latter half of the day
of Friday, May 26. My father and brother are going to help me move,
and they're driving up to Ithaca early Fri. morning and we'll depart
mid-day-ish from here -- it's about 5 hours from here to Toronto.
So I'm not sure how you figured it would work out in terms of my
getting into the house and whatnot. I guess I'll just unpack my car
mostly, then I've got to spend that weekend on the little family
tour of the city, so I won't "really" be "in" until they're gone on Sunday.
Other than that, that's about it. Anything else you want to pipe in
on the matter feel more than free. That is, if it's possible to feel
more than free, which is an interesting question in and of itself, and one
which I will entirely ignore for the time being.

woof,
Aaron


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Hi!

Just a short note to say "hi"!


Carolyn


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Salut --

Just a quick note to let you know that I made phone arrangments
for myself (I can tie my own laces, too!). 
It went rather easily. They're going to (try) and
activate it on Saturday May 27 before noon. They seemed to
know which phone lines existed in the house using their big
brother computer, so it was pretty easy going.
 
'tis all-
Aaron,
who doesn't even like winter yet is moving to Canada


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Salut --

Just a quick note to let you know that I made phone arrangments
for myself (I can tie my own laces, too!). 
It went rather easily. They're going to (try) and
activate it on Saturday May 27 before noon. They seemed to
know which phone lines existed in the house using their big
brother computer, so it was pretty easy going.
 
'tis all-
Aaron,
who doesn't even like winter yet is moving to Canada


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Heh... So you can wrassle phone cops!  Well done.   Guess I'll see you
in a week or so.  Cool


C


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I don't mean to be a pest, but I was just wondering what the situation
will be with regards to getting into the house whenever it is
that I arrive. Anal, I know, I haven't had enough sugar.



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Heh.. well how about this:  we've left the front door unlocked since we
bought the house.  I know this is, well, unusual... but it has worked so
far!  Not too un-anal I hope?!

Of course you are welcome to have a key.  But I wouldn't even know how
to use it!  

So I expect with all this practice in non-locking, no-one will figure
out how to lock anything in the next week.  I think you're homefree
onthis count.

I'm going to go over and tidy up.  I'm sure in my hasty departure last
week that I left a mess behind.  :)  



Carolyn



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>Heh.. well how about this:  we've left the front door unlocked since we
>bought the house.  I know this is, well, unusual... but it has worked so
>far!  Not too un-anal I hope?!
>
>Of course you are welcome to have a key.  But I wouldn't even know how
>to use it!  
>
>So I expect with all this practice in non-locking, no-one will figure
>out how to lock anything in the next week.  I think you're homefree
>onthis count.
>

Oh, that sounds great. I haven't locked my front door in 2 years :-) There's
little crime here so I usually don't bother either. I'm definitely un-anal
about that sort of thing. I knew Toronto wasn't exactly New York City, but I
have to admit I am a little surprised that you're that lax about it.
Surprised but happy, though, don't get me wrong. It all sounds fine then. I
won't worry about the key for now, maybe some other time, it's no emergency
as far as I care.

asta la next weeka,
Aaron


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Guten mornin,

As my day crawls forward, I wanted to offer a little "pre-me"
disclaimer -- not that that should sound frightfully foreshadowy
or anything, but I feel compelled nonetheless.

I suspect I'm not going to be very representative of myself at first,
for several reasons (and since the one thing I am anal about is not being
misrepresented...): fresh-faced in a new city, in a new country, will leave
me rather subordinate to most of what's around me. That aspect is in some
ways scary, but in more ways exciting.

In addition, and perhaps more psychologically/emotionally impacting, is that
I've lived (as I mentioned some other time) with a very close friend for the
past several years. The voice of cognitive dissonance would love to find
"good reasons" to separate from a place or a person when you must, but in
this case cog. dis. loses out. When you live with someone for a long time
(whatever one defines "a long time" as for themself), it is hard to imagine
a world on your own again. There are the big reasons, and the little reasons
(rambling on about today's politics, or the stupid person in the checkout
line who couldn't find their checkbook). So I face the prospect of being
both in a new city, in a new country, plus being "on my own" ("alone," is
the more honest phrasing, I think) for the first time in a long time. A
prospect which I have a certain amount of apprehension/unknowing about.
Okay, a lot of apprehension.

The point of all this being that this is something of an upheaving
experience for me, but also a very desired one. It's exciting, but
drastically different from what my somatic cells have grown used to. So, I
expect that I won't be very representative of myself for some undetermined
period of time. Then again, perhaps I will wind up modifying/shifting just
who "myself" is, in accordance with the representation. Who the heck knows.
Fun, fun. 

Anyway, I just wanted to say all that for some reason. Breakfast calls ...
or distracts ...

-Aaron


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Purrr Aaron,

As I am going through exactly the same collection of new things, I can
really relate.  (Idid the country new thing last September, for 6
months), and now on my return I am living alone for the first time
without Peter in 10 or so years.

I know my compromise buttons all shifted around, and I smile more often
at new acquaintances, and less at old .. simply to adjust.

You'll find Nedra and Peter really warm people, and creative, and if
nothing else, able to understand others really well.  I'm a few blocks
away, and although I'm rather unable to visit over there (too many
painful reminders that Idon't live there anymore), I'm hoping that
things will settle out soon and I can visit with more ease.

That said, you'll have as much time space as you wnat / don't want to be
yourself.  Peter tends to get to know another person immediately, and
Nedra will follow along in this, I'm sure.  If I were you, i'd be
prepared to make sure I stayed the person I was a little more than I
wanted the end result to be so as to counter their easy seeing through
of facades (including just not being yourself for awhile).


I'd like to introduce you through email to the others, if youlike.
Would that help at all?  How can we make your arrival smoother, and more
relaxed for you?  When exactly are you planning on arriving here -- I
can have Peter be around to greet you.    Or me if that would help
more?!



See you soon,

Carolyn



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>I'd like to introduce you through email to the others, if youlike.
>Would that help at all?  How can we make your arrival smoother, and more
>relaxed for you?  When exactly are you planning on arriving here -- I
>can have Peter be around to greet you.    Or me if that would help
>more?!
>

I really appreciate your kindly response/offers. I don't think I need too
much smoothing, though -- psychologically I think I'm fairly set. ("THINK,"
being the operative, and variable, word). Like I said, I'm planning on
arriving sometime in the latter part of the day on Friday (4-5pm-ish
depending on traffic, what time we make it out of here, etc.) , but I'm not
sure how much time I'll be at the house right-off. That is, since my father
and brother are accompanying me to help out (plus they want to see the
city), I'm probably going to unload my stuff and then go off with them
around the city until Sunday when they leave. So I'll be unpredictably
around the house for the first couple days (of course, I'll be there at
night). After that intial frenzy, then it'll just be me, my spoons, and y'all. 

So it's ok if no one is around the house when I specifically arrive, I won't
be there for too long anyway before heading downtown to my family's hotel. I
look forward to meeting the lot of you (even if you are two separate
factions now :-) I understand all that.), and my generalized anxiety is
eased by your advice/descriptions.

I do think I can better maintain myself in the face of all this than in my
previous model -- freshman year of college, which was the last time I really
had to meet "new people". I like to believe I'm a lot more confident in
myself now, so that should lend to some degree of enhanced composure. 

I'd be happy to be introduced to anyone you wish by email, but it's not a
requirement. If you get around to it, I'll happily show my ASCII face.

danke (I feel German today),
Aaron


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Actually, I think the green works well but then, color coordination was left
out of my DNA. 

So, as you could induce, I'm here, on the floor, in Toronto. The floor part
may not have been so obvious, but my desk won't arrive until Friday (nor
will my mattress). So for now I'm just mimicking this cat who's sleeping at
my feet -- that is, curling up on the floor. Works for him. Or her, I
haven't checked, sorry :)

Bell Canada failed to do something right, as the phone jack which I presume
would be my line don't do nuttin. There is another jack behind the dresser
which I found is apparently an extension of another house line (since I
picked it up and heard someone else talking on it -- whoops). So I called
Bell this morning and they mumbled something about a guy coming later today.
He better. For now I'm using the extension line, and Peter's SLIP account,
and telnetting into my various shell accounts around the continent. 

I think I've got a lot figured out so far, but since I was doing the
uber-tourist thing with my father and brother over the weekend (now they're
gone) I hadn't had too much exploration time. I got a quick course in the
garage from Peter (along with a key), but I'm still not sure how I can open
the garage without getting out of the car, going into the back, hitting the
button, getting back into the car, and parking.

I'm about to try to find food-gathering sources. I have a predilection for
bigger, suburban-type supermarkets, but I'm not sure to what scale I can
find that around here. The yellow pages were only marginally helpful. 

I like the room a lot -- nice size, nice windows, and very nice library :-)
Quite the fancy feast book selection. I won't be bored! (Learned about
anthropology last evening, courtesy of your textbook. Hope you don't mind :)

Okay I'll shaddup now..

-Aaron


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Blinds is all you noticed?  I guess you haven't met up with the kitchen
yet!  :)  Now that's green!

I'm glad to hear that you've found you place alright, and satisfying.
The cats are, in order from big to small, er .. how about colour coded
instead: Kitten (black and white), Moppins (black and very fuzzy),
Dagney (orange - she'llhit you if you don't serve her undyingly
forever), Jerry (grey tabby - the big one), and Sable (grey tabby -
small cat with much cat wisdom).  Good luck!

So the phone cops are evil.  What's new?!  Wish that had worked out
better for you.  Let me know when I can call you in the flesh.  I got
two lines in here after three days of being here.  I'm at 416 588 0517
if you want to call here.  

About the garage thingy .. there is a pushbutton garage door opener
thing last seen by me on the kitchen table.  Ask Peter where he or Alex
left it.  It is space age comfort for your car.  I think I have the
other one but it'll take longer to get that over to you, and I think you
are the only garage user at ths point.


> I'm about to try to find food-gathering sources. I have a predilection for
> bigger, suburban-type supermarkets, but I'm not sure to what scale I can
> find that around here. The yellow pages were only marginally helpful. 

Heh.  OK. Get onto Dundas which is northof you.  Go right, ummm, east
til you hit Pacific Avenue and turnright again.  There is a big no
frills store which is really quite good.  Ignorethe lack of frills -
anything witht he brand name President's Choice is high quality stuff.
Its a marketing strategy.  But if you're into really cool deli shopping,
go down instead to Bloor, which is south, and there isa really nice
stretch right there called Bloor West Village.  Lots of cheese and
pastry shops, meats, veggie stores, etc.  And another big no frills
store to boot if you go left on Bloor.

Well enough blabbering on fornow.  We should get together before too
much longer and chat!


> I like the room a lot -- nice size, nice windows, and very nice library :-)
> Quite the fancy feast book selection. I won't be bored! (Learned about
> anthropology last evening, courtesy of your textbook. Hope you don't mind :)

:)


bye for now!


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>Well enough blabbering on fornow.  We should get together before too
>much longer and chat!
>

I agree -- today I've got to wait around for the phone "technician" to come
by sometime after 1. Of course, *I* know what the problem is. The problem, I
would bet my left sleeve, is that they connected my assigned # to the wrong
line. Which line, I don't know. So I have to convince him of that, and
cajole him into connecting my phone # to the *right* line. Hopefully he'll
acquiesce easily. I'm totally free other than that until Friday, when I then
have to wait around yet again for my bed and desk. This morning it's off to
the No-Frills store as per your recommendation to head off my continuing
starvation (it's cleansing!).

Anyway, my point here is that it'd probably be best if you offered up a
suggestion, and I'll be there. With bells on. Actually just one bell, if you
wear too many people stare.

-Aaron

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Were I left entirely to my own devices, I'd probably try to stick a pin in
the bag over my bowl o' cereal and see what happens. Fortunately, Peter
explained to auslander ol' me exactly how one is supposed to manipulate a
bag full of milk. You people. It's funny -- I was listening to the radio and
someone said that outsiders had the impression that Canadians were a bunch
of humorless cheese-eaters -- then I went into the kitchen for a drink and
there was this humongous slab of cheese in there. Truth, coincidence, or
mystery of the unknown? No matter, I like cheese anyhow.

So the phone man came by and fixed me up. And my phone, too. My assigned
number is 763-6538, which I'm doing a poor job of remembering. I'm available
to get together anytime you want 'cept I have to hang out here Friday for
the deliverypeople (at which time I'll get a bed which will help to
alleviate these floor-related sores that have developed in unnatural places.
And a desk which will alleviate the carpal-body syndrome one experiences
when typing prone on the floor. But I'm not complaining -- it's a rite
(right!) of passage).

Okay, I'll leave out my various other minor thoughts and observations for
now, there's the meat of it. later ---

Aaron



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Hi Aaron,

I've found that many cats placed gently on top of the milk bag will
considerably reduce the amount of time spent trying to find another
solution!

Let's see ... scheduling is such a strong suit of mine... tomorrow I'm
hangng out and around with Peter, and Friday is a CBC interview thing -
much fun.  I'll have to tell you about my feelings in reaction to slowly
rising fame!  It's awfully fun.

Saturday .. now how abouthtis.  Peter has given me the all clear to vist
all of my very furry friends -- me not being up to visiting them plus
your other roommates yet.  :(  I was thinking of dropping by there
around noon.  Would you enjoy getting together for a walkown to Bloor
afterthat?  I know I'll be inhte neighbourhood! :)

I hope you find a better that York ISP... its been really irritating the
last two days because they found some sort of hacker and shut down all
Internet connecting.  I've been able to telnet but not ftp.  (Grrr.)
The other ISPs are finicky during peak hours.  So if you find a tastier
morsel, please do tell!


Yours,

Carolyn



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>Hi Aaron,
>
>I've found that many cats placed gently on top of the milk bag will
>considerably reduce the amount of time spent trying to find another
>solution!

Cats, it would appear in the world according to you, are the solution to
many things. This is new knowledge to me. And I thought they just sat there
and stared.

>
>Let's see ... scheduling is such a strong suit of mine... tomorrow I'm
>hangng out and around with Peter, and Friday is a CBC interview thing -
>much fun.  I'll have to tell you about my feelings in reaction to slowly
>rising fame!  It's awfully fun.

Fame? Even if it is slowly rising. Besides, look at what happens to all
those overnight starts, like Ricky Schroeder (if you don't know who he is up
here than I will look silly, but my point made that much stronger). Will it
be on TV? Radio? When?

>
>Saturday .. now how abouthtis.  Peter has given me the all clear to vist
>all of my very furry friends -- me not being up to visiting them plus
>your other roommates yet.  :(  I was thinking of dropping by there
>around noon.  Would you enjoy getting together for a walkown to Bloor
>afterthat?  I know I'll be inhte neighbourhood! :)

Sure, that sounds fine, and not only that but this room should have some
semblence of order, as opposed to the shantytown it looks like now. I'll be
here (it's not like I have any place else to go. That's one of the weird
things about a new place). 

>
>I hope you find a better that York ISP... its been really irritating the
>last two days because they found some sort of hacker and shut down all
>Internet connecting.  I've been able to telnet but not ftp.  (Grrr.)
>The other ISPs are finicky during peak hours.  So if you find a tastier
>morsel, please do tell!
>

So true -- I've had mucho problems getting through the password
authentication. I filled out a signup form for Internex. I could back out if
something better came along, but that *seemed* to be the best I could find
for my usage level for the price. I'm not sure if they support 28.8, though.
Ideally, I'd like an account which gives me Unix shell/SLIP or PPP for about
6 hours/day at 28.8, for around $30/month. My browsing of other local
providers didn't seem any more fruitful, though. Life the eternal struggle.
And what's worse, there don't seem to be any nutritional labelling laws in
Canada. Half the food I buy has no information on it. Heathens all!
Cheese-eating heathens, granted, but heathens nonetheless.


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Salut --

I've figured out the answer to your question. Actually, one of your
questions, which you may well not remember even asking. And it's not that
I've been struggling to come up with an answer for 3 days, rather it just
came to me. A little chocolate cookie told me.

What the heck am I talking about? The other day, I made mention about how I
don't like to work within pre-determined schedules, even though I fall into
a fairly regular schedule by default. You asked if someone were to present
the my de facto schedule, if I would still resist it. I didn't have a
satisfactory answer. Doubtless you've been clawing at the foam in your
mattress to find out (that, or you've been involved in "actual life"). 

I've found that some people are "bursty" while others are "steady". The best
analogy I can use to illustrate this is bicycling. When you are bicycling,
especially when facing any sort of incline, there are two options: you can
pedal very strongly until the end of the incline, where you then coast, or
you can pedal slow and consistently, up the incline, and continue doing so
as you reach level ground again. I find this approach to things really
spreads out to many facets of life. My friend Steve is a perfect example of
a "steady" person. He engages in any activity in a deliberate, paced, steady
manner that, like the Energizer rabbit, just keeps going and going. I, on
the other hand, am extremely bursty. I engage in any activity in a burst of
energy, and then a period of rest, burst of energy, rest, etc. This makes my
life more episodic than a steady person's. Tying this into the question at
hand, the reason I don't like pre-determined schedules is because they have
no end to them. If I cannot see an endpoint, the landscape appears to me as
infinite, and thus requiring continuous, steady effort.

I fail to succeed at that sort of thing, which is evidenced by the jobs I've
quit or been fired from in the past, because after a certain period of time
I couldn't put in the required effort anymore without a rest period. What is
attractive about my de facto schedule, and book writing (for instance), is
that it has the flexibility to be episodic, and therefore conform better to
my natural curves (or is that a maxi pad? Either way...)

So there you have it. Incredibly exciting, to be sure, the sort of thing
that launches crowds into wild cheering. 


If I may change the topic, and I may since I'm the only one talking here, I
read your entry about forms of expression. This is an interesting topic.
Even though I identify myself as "a writer" (whatever it is that means. I
have my idea which I might explain later in this message), I do not read
very much. I read non-fiction stuff for my academic/intellectual interests,
but that's entirely other from expressive interests. I do not read fiction
or any other sort of "art" literature. I listen to music. When I identify
myself as "a writer," I mean that articulate "verbal" language is the form
through which I can express myself. But, for some reason, I'm not that
interested in others' expressions in the verbal form. I find that I can
"understand" the expressions of music far better, far more viscerally, and
far more interestingly. There is also an articulate language in music (which
does not mean that every musician is articulate), and it's one that I can
strongly comprehend but am utterly helpless to produce.

This has led to a very strange, yet interesting, dichotomy. I can express
myself in writing, but I really am not that in touch with others' written
expressions (I am very unappreciative of poetry). I can't play music for
crap (believe me, my musical forays sound analagous to a 5 year old's
attempts at verbal language), but I can comprehend and appreciate it. The
final result of this being that I own few books yet hope to write many, and
I own many CD's, and I wish I could produce music.

But I won't complain too much -- after all, the more books one writes the
more CD's one can buy! 

It may have been disconcerting to see someone else having made something of
a home in what used to be your own for such a long time. I would imagine
that's how I would feel. Sorry ;-)

I am learning the cats better. Dagney is inconsistent -- she approaches me
and sometimes enjoys my attention, but other times she gets mad and makes
some bad cat gesture and goes away. Sable likes to walk close to me, look me
straight in the eyes, and say a very deliberate, "meow". But should I make a
move of any sort, she sprints away. The other cats still consider me a
novelty best viewed from afar. I finally got my desk and chair today, so my
computing facilities are much improved from a chiropractic standpoint. In
setting it up, I had one of those sweet little "oh my, I'm a moron" moments
in life, when I rolled up the bamboo blinds only to find out that there's no
window behind them. And to think, all this time I thought there was. In
defense of my own idiocy, one does wonder why exactly they are there.

Yikes, I think I've gone on long enough. Back to your regularly scheduled
life. There are more questions that I wanted to turn around on you (that is,
based on some you asked me), but not only do I forget them now, it's time to
shutup.

-Aaron


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