guilt, toilets, kissing, godamned and real life

Date: Mon, 30 Sep 1996 08:04:03 -0400
To: Carolyn L Burke 
Subject: guilt, toilets, kissing, godamned and real life

I am the kind of person who feels guilty flushing a toilet.

learning about raspberry schemers; feeling guilty using the word, but smiling at the glue-like nature of the place. we had our share, I guess, like the glue, and of course the omnipresent 'observation bias'. perhaps this phrase should be spoken through some kind of large metal tunnel: "o-b-s-e-r-v-a-t-i-o-n- b-i-a-s-"


it is true; I would kiss her. I would have gone right up to her and kissed her, gently, on those lips. if they would just sit. to write, that is. they might find those words...they might be pleased at what they see at what affects them, at what lures them, at what they do and who they are...

a thought evolves where a very long poem sits in all it's digitalness. we have learnt to believe this. seeing clearly now. scatteredddddd I am starting to sound like one of those short stories they read on after hour radio.... do they get locked up??? that's it my friend, freedom. to evolve, to sing, to curse like your mother ain't never heard you curse, and to stick as many goddamned dddddds on the end of a word as you please.

and then she writes a little ditty about her burnin' eyes, to the tune of NY,NY.

"I had lunch with maurice at the 'Bistro' and he has the book 'Love' and he thinks everyone should be like the impulse commercial. of course if you're not naturally like that, you don't have to do it. but never hide your x factor. Mrs. X called. "Bla bla bla bla-we'll talk about your little letter sometime when we can be alone" too mucken futch. and then we ate stir-fry and rice and graham beat on me I bit cindy (and broke her toe?) and then we actually did some work and I came home and phoned me several times afterwards which I loved but I was so godamned tired I laughed and beed foolish. I got to bed at 11;30 and now it is 11;30. I woke 9:30 when S called drove me C,D, in, and school no french (love it), and Freida and I hung around - Maurice is Jewish -and meeting and then lab#3-question Zia thinks i'm stupid and I didn't finish this week-and came home and ate-7:30 and CW and I went to Sue's and I had to tell mom about the 10$ she was mad. did lots of chemistry CJAD colors-english people-fountain pens-super 8's..."
                                                -lmp March 1983, monday.

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